The cost of being known -- of becoming, to people who knew me as competent, as reliable, as someone who carried things for others, a person who is, instead, carried -- is a cost I have never priced, because I have never let it happen, and an unpriced cost, to someone who prices everything, is the only kind of cost that still feels infinite.
Part Two -- Devin
Down here, nobody's keeping score. Up there, everything's a transaction, everybody's keeping a ledger even when they say they're not. Down here, you just keep an eye on the people near you, and they keep an eye on you, and it comes out even over a long enough time, but nobody's checking the balance every week. That's the only thing down here that's actually better than up there.
Part Two -- The Shelf (Gerald)
Your body, under the specific and sustained stress of the life you are currently living, has begun deprioritizing its own reproductive function, because your body, like every other system you have encountered this year, has run its own version of the arithmetic, and has concluded that this is not a viable time to be generating anything, and has acted accordingly, without consulting you.
Part One -- The Clinic
I'm not doing you a favor. I'm doing the math. You're a good picker. Good pickers who burn out are a worse outcome for me than good pickers who pace themselves. This isn't charity. This is me being good at my job.
Part One -- The Count (Theresa)
The flyer's only actual content, underneath the urgent header, was: here is where the food banks are. Not: here is what is being done. Not: here is when this will resolve. Just: here is where to go, now that the thing everyone in this building apparently knew would happen the moment it was announced, has happened.
Part Three -- The Political Zero
The mind, managing too many small numbers under too much pressure, makes small errors, and the errors compound, because there is no slack in the system to absorb them.
Part Two -- The First of the Month
Maybe that is the actual mercy in all of this, the only one -- that the line does not announce itself to the children in it. The line is just Wednesday. The line is just a backpack with a faded cartoon character, and a story about a friend at school, and a mother listening with one part of herself while the other part counts.
Part Two -- Wednesday
The ceremony is the easy part. The ceremony is the part they are good at.
Part One -- The Discharge (Ada)
This happened, and it was not your fault, and here is exactly what happened, in order, so that the record is accurate, even if no one else will ever read it.
Part Two -- The Working Interview
The needle is still going to hit red again. Day twenty, every month. But I am sitting in a room, three doors from my own, drinking tea from a chipped mug, with a man who heard a system through a wall for two years before either of us said a word about it, and who showed up, on the seventh day, before I could ask. That is enough, for now. It is more than I had, four years ago, on the floor.
Part Three -- Tea / Epilogue